Dear everyone who buys a blue, white, black or grey Explorer,

"this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata" (fantastic-mr-foxbody) 08/28/2015 at 18:45 • Filed to: ARGH

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I hate you. You could have and aanny color you wanted, and you had to go with you’ll shit your pants when you see me in your mirrors navy blue. Thanks. Thanks for that. Special shout out to SPD for switching to low profile LED light bars and subtle liveries, too. Awesome.

Seriously though, this is a real problem. Since no civilian has bought new panther since the reagan administration (excluding the occasional Town Car or Grand Marquis), a second glance at the age and condition of a passing Crown Vic was enough to tell if it belonged to the rozzers.

Anything that is beat up and more than a few years old is a savvy police auction attendee who knows the best indestructible RWD deal in the world is an old Vic. Everything that is beat up, is more than a few years old, is painted a terrible shade of yellow, and is being driven by someone shouting at a bluetooth headset and actively going out of his/her way to disregard traffic laws and the laws of human decency is a taxi. A blue, black, white, grey, or state patrol green Crown Vic with all of it’s clear coat is probably a cop. This is especially clear if it has a flashing lights all over it.

The problem is, cops just started using the new Explorers. So there are no old Explorers. Everyone is still under warranty. They’re all shiny. Also, it’s a good car, and it’s a SUV, so civilians are actually buying them. They’re everywhere! How the hell am I supposed to know if I should be obeying common sense or the speed limit?

COP:

NOT A COP:

So please, go ahead, buy one. Just paint it red, or yellow, or Huracan green, or neon pink. It will be a service to humanity.

Oh wait.

Dark blue, white, grey and black are the only colors any one has ordered on any car in this entire country in at least 20 years.

Thanks Obama.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:50

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My town has a black explorer with just the push bar. It pisses me off because I can never tell aside from the push bar.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:51

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The undercover ones are even worse. I kind of like them though. Yes, this is a fully equipped police car:

Baeromez > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:53

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The only other color available is red. You literally want to limit people to one out of five total colors.

MLGCarGuy > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:54

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Should I tell my neighbor to paint his Explorer Huracan green then? It’d make one awesome crossover.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback 08/28/2015 at 18:54

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Which does absolutely no good in your rear view...

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 08/28/2015 at 18:55

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Oh they look dope. As long is they’re parked or going the other way on the other side of the median haha.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Baeromez 08/28/2015 at 18:55

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Why ford. Why.

facw > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:55

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The problem with your plan is that customers don’t pick their color. Dealers pick the color (and they don’t pick something “odd” that will sit on the lot if they can’t find just the right customer), and the customer picks from what the dealer has ordered.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > MLGCarGuy 08/28/2015 at 18:55

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The answer is always more lime green.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > facw 08/28/2015 at 18:56

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Solution: Tesla sells cop cars.

coelacanthist > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:56

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I have to watch out for the fusions too! I miss the police interceptor already, got to where you could recognize the front end even at night in the rear view... Not that I have anything to be worried about ;)

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:56

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My buddie had a 4th gen Caprice SS that was all white. We used to come flying up behind people and sit on their ass on the highway. Still get a laugh out of some of the peoples reactions...

MLGCarGuy > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:57

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So I should steal all of his kids’ toys and paint them lime green too? Sweet!

GhostZ > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 18:57

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Now someone rewrite this for Crown Vics circa 1999.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > GhostZ 08/28/2015 at 18:58

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True. The question is, will we all be buying surplus Explorers 15 years from now.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > MLGCarGuy 08/28/2015 at 18:59

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Yes.

Leadbull > GhostZ 08/28/2015 at 19:33

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Now someone write this for the Chevy Suburban circa last year.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 19:33

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Around here, there are still lots of Crown Vic police cars...so buying a dark blue one makes me a bit of a dick.

Brian, The Life of > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 19:42

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I had a friend who owned a (purchased new) black CVPI back in the early ‘00s and whenever I drove with him he LOVED to fuck with people by playing “Am I a cop?”

You can visualize it all perfectly without any further description, I’m sure.

jkm7680 > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 19:48

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BRING BACK THE PANTHERS AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY.

Sn210 > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 19:52

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I wonder if the people who buy these get pissed when everyone drives extra slow around them because they mistake them for cops

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Brian, The Life of 08/28/2015 at 20:03

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Yupp, I’m sure having people get the fuck out of your way is a nice perk.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Sn210 08/28/2015 at 20:04

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‘Gosh honey, kids these days sure are careful drivers.’

bryan40oop > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 20:41

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Same goes for impalas, malibus, & taurasses.

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 20:51

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I used to work for Rover Group in the UK in the 90s, and a lot of company cars were white Range Rovers. This was because everyone knew they were the fastest way of getting from A to B.

It wasn’t a stock color at the time - basically the only other people using white Rangies were the highway cops. Plus they were too tall (in the days before everyone drove SUVs) for people to see if there was a light bar on top. Get in the fast lane, turn your headlights on, and watch traffic magically disappear from in front of you. Brilliant!

scoob > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 21:21

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Just today I saw a white Charger with a pushbar. If you looked at it from the front or in your mirrors it would look very identical to the NYPD Chargers.

Pics for reference

Urambo Tauro > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 21:45

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So please, go ahead, buy one. Just paint it red, or yellow, or Huracan green, or neon pink.

I want a Panther, but given the options here, it’s gonna have to be red. Which looks odd unless it’s a nice dark shade of red. Not gonna lie; I do like the standard-issue colors LOL.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 21:46

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I’ll do you one better. My friend recent bought a used Crown Vic that was a police cruiser. In front of the driver door is painted black, as is behind the rear door. Everything in between is white. It still has the brush bar, the spot light, and the cage in the back seat. It is literally a cop car without the town-specific decals. I drove it around for a weekend and no one, and I mean absolutely no one, passed me. One morning on the highway I was in the middle lane and I had at least a quarter mile of empty highway in front of me, and a full blown traffic jam behind me.

I enjoyed it immensely.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 22:39

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Exactly

Jeo meo > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/28/2015 at 23:10

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Nope. Every bit of those miles will demolish those “new ford” engines and you’ll swear the wiring was done by Bavarians

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Jeo meo 08/28/2015 at 23:36

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Exactly. Pantherz 4 Eva.

Spazburn1966 > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/29/2015 at 02:07

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Solution: Keep it on the Track. No Cops there.

Spazburn1966 > Spazburn1966 08/29/2015 at 02:12

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Unless you are good enough driver to be paid to race Cars. But then why would you want to risk your dream job taking risks amongst all us bad drivers?

LongbowMkII > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/29/2015 at 07:51

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Cheaper.

Jeo meo > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata 08/29/2015 at 12:56

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Even the early 90s crown vics emit a modicum of fear factor if the lighting is just right. I was followed by a neighbor with a 94 in burgandy. That marker light placement at dusk makes you take, at minimum, a double take to be sure of what you saw.